ziggymalik:

the tour should just be called “Our Contract Ends This Year: Give Us Your Money 2014”

there was this joke i heard the other day. it goes; i used to think i was sociable and people liked me. my brain told me it. right after it helped me realize i suck as a person 

internetexplorers:

if you try to call me “sweetie” or “honey” or “sweetheart” when we’re arguing may god help you because i will actually scratch your face off

peetatobias:

peetatobias:

Sometimes I feel like I’m a teenage penis trapped in a 20 year old woman’s body with the way I eat.

Did I just type penis instead of boy?

googlehomo:

fun prank: stand up in the middle of class. run out of the school. keep running. do not turn back. start a new life under a fake name.

(Source: slydigger)

noelanthony:

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”.

My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.

professordumbeldore:

professordumbeldore:

do you have 67 protons because you’re a 

If anyone else reblogs this I will cry for eternity 

(Source: iharrypotter)